Missing Drew

Recently Drew's heart Foundation donated 3 AED's to our city's police department. The AED's are part of a new program for first responders. Often times the police are closer to a 911 call than paramedics because they are out on patrol, and they are on the scene with no way to help a victim. Now when they arrive at a call they can offer help to a person when minutes count.
   We were honored to be a part of this program and be able to support our local police as well as paramedics. It is a way to give back to them for all the times they arrived at our house to help our son. Even on the last call we ever made to them to help save him, they arrived quickly, did all that they could to revive him, and escorted us swiftly through traffic to the hospital. They even stayed with us for quite a while in the emergency room. Then they ALL came to pay their respects to our son when he died. We are grateful for their support. Helping them and giving their departments much needed equipment to help save a life...priceless.
      As November 26th arrives in only a few short days it brings such emotions. There is never a day when I don't think of my little boy but the days leading up to that horrible day as well as the days after bring on such hurt, such unforgiving pain and many, many memories. Time has not healed any wounds in this family, but it has made us go on.
    I wish I could have a moment with him again. I would give anything to see him, hear him say "Mommy I love you more", after I would tell him I loved him more and more to the moon and back and to infinity and beyond. We use to say that to each other each night when I tucked him in to bed. A bed he usually didn't stay put in and always found more reasons to get out of at bedtime!  Unfortunately there is no such wish. I am stuck with this pain and this unthinkable loss forever, until we meet again on the clouds in heaven.

Thinking of you

   Our family is not the same family that we were when Drew was here with us. We have changed in good ways and in bad ways. That's life and that's reality after loosing a child. We try very hard to go on each day and live it to the fullest in honor of our amazing little boy but some days you still want to shout from the roof tops " My little boy died and it sucks!". Society won't let you grieve everyday, it tends to make people very uncomfortable. I often feel like I am not allowed to shout my anger over loosing my son to everyone or feel sorry for myself and my family. So pulling myself together for the good of my husband and oldest son was my only option. Life has a way of making you move forward even if you don't want to. 
 We now have a baby girl and 2 years later life is becoming a new kind of normal for us. I often wonder how he would react to a little sister! I know he is watching over his big brother and now his little sister. I would give anything to have a hug from him, hear his voice or just see him again. At times the baby reminds me of Drew and when that happens it gives me a sense that he is still with us. 
   I miss my son more than anyone could ever imagine. I am always thinking of him, and missing him. Someday far, far in the future I hope we will be together again.