Happy Birthday Drew

Today is Drew's birthday. He should be 4 years old. He should be bouncing around the house getting ready for his awesome Toy Story birthday party. This is just the beginning of the things Drew will not get to do and milestones we will not get to celebrate with him.

Four years ago today we went to the hospital for a planned c-section. We had anticipation, happiness, and fear of the unknown. When we saw him we couldn't believe how amazing and so healthy looking he was. You would have never known how sick he was and how underneath all of his perfect little features was a heart that was defective. He had blond peach fuzz for hair, big cheeks with Brian's dimple, and a large personality from the start!

He was our little fighter, and oh how he fought.

Today we are going to go to the cemetery and bring him a special Toy Story wreath, his brother Will colored an Easter egg green for him, and if we can we will sing happy birthday to him.

To our baby boy in heaven, We love you and we miss you. Happy Birthday Drew.

Love mommy and Daddy

Forever changed

I was sent this poem and it truly defines who we are now that our little boy, Drew is gone.

Don't Tell Me
Please don't tell me you know how I feel,
Unless you have lost your child too,
Please don't tell me my broken heart will heal,
Because that is just not true,
Please don't tell me my son is in a better place,
Though it may be true, I want him here with me,
Don't tell me someday I'll hear his voice, see his face,
Beyond today I cannot see,
Don't tell me it is time to move on,
Because I cannot,
Don't tell me to face the fact he is gone,
Because denial is something I can't stop,
Don't tell me to be thankful for the time I had,
Because I wanted more,
Don't tell me when I am my old self you will be glad,
I'll never be as I was before,
What you can tell me is you will be here for me,
That you will listen when I talk of my child,
You can share with me my precious memories,
You can even cry with me for a while,
And please don't hesitate to say his name,
Because it is something I long to hear everyday,
Please realize that I can never be the same,
But if you stand by me, you may like the new person I become someday.

Judi Walker
(In Memory of Shane)
Copyright 1998